BEER: Nice to see that local Labour party activists have been doing their bit for traditional British breweries.

We hear that they sponsored a barrel at the recent Forever Bury beer festival held at Gigg Lane, called, for some reason, Treacleminders Tipple. The most social of socialists (and there are a few) inform us that they visited every session, presumably in a bid to keep the Red Flag flying in Bury. For another two months, anyway.

This fondness for the real ale goes all the way to Westminster, where David Chaytor is among no fewer than 241 backbenchers to demand that a pint of beer is 100 per cent liquid. This motion has attracted more support than ones on testing drugs on animals, wheelchair accessible housing, children and human rights, and democracy in Afghanistan.

ONE: Just one letter can have a remarkable effect on a sentence, judging from a new council report on the cost of school uniforms.

A special panel of education top brass has been looking at the matter, and concluded that they're expensive, especially if parents have to buy from a monopoly.

At least, we think that that's what it concluded. The report says: "Consideration was given to a set of draft recommendations arsing (sic) from the results of the consultations."

IVAN: Off to the Commons again, and Ivan Lewis's big speech on the EU budget.

Alas, this is a poisoned chalice for the economic secretary to the Treasury, as it's his job to defend the indefensible. Trouble is, the EU's auditors have refused to sign off the accounts for the last 11 years. Through a combination of fraud and poor management, there are problems with two-thirds of the budget, around £46 billion. (Yes, you did read right).

"There was not a queue of ministers wishing to lead on these matters," Ivan told the house.

The first part of his speech was actually quite good, with the minister on top, regular bloke, form. Alas, clarity was soon buried under a blizzard of verbiage, as we were introduced to concepts like "accruals-based accounting" and "materiality rate", not to mention acronyms such as ECA, IACS, OLAF and ECOFIN. But what, Ivan, about this £46 billion? Well, they've drawn up a "Road map to an integrated annual control framework" to look at it.

This explains why so few people attended the debate. Every year this comes to the Commons, and every year MPs sigh deeply and note it, frustrated that there is seemingly nothing they can do about it. One fed-up member pressed the nuclear button and demanded a referendum on the whole European shenanigans. "I thank him for giving me the opportunity to become a very famous politician overnight by responding positively to his invitation," said Ivan, "but I am certainly not going to. (gasps of "Oh"). I am sorry to disappoint: that's the story of my life, I'm afraid."

OLAF: OLAF is the anti-fraud unit in the EU. Alas, scamsters have been using their letterheaded paper to con money out of people, accusing them of breaking banking laws and asking them for a cheque. The scheme, it seems, has been as successful as anything else over there.